Restrooms: Nature's Customer Service Desk

[Touchdown]

MK: Pirates, Tangled, Pinocchio are usually quieter. Tomorrowland, Adventureland are bad. Midday the Casey’s bathrooms can be quiet too.

Epcot: Imagination bathrooms are almost always empty, great front park option. The Norway ones are very nice, but more popular. If you’re in Le Celier their bathrooms are very quiet and rarely used.

DHS: RIP gonzos, but I’ll throw out a shout out to the secret backstage bathroom in Rise. Back when that was new, I did not realize how long I would be waiting and was in pain by the time I got to the indoor queue. The CM in the line took me back and then after much relief I was able to rejoin the queue at merge.

AK: Great everywhere, although the Everest ones are the most crowded.

USO: ET, Potter, MIB are my most frequent places. MIB is horrible during HHN though. The Gotham Ice Company ones are so hidden I even forget about them.

IOA: Besides the ones mentioned, I would add in a favorable review of the Namor bathrooms (obscured from guests walking towards Toon Lagoon, the POE bathrooms by Seuss, and pretty much all the JP bathrooms (not just the pizza ones, but River Adventure and Visitor Center) for being not well utilized.

Epic: Not enough experience yet, haven’t had a bad one yet.

Volcano Bay: The bathrooms that are least used are the River Village ones by Krakatoa, because it’s furthest from the enterance and wave pools.

 

[SkiBum]

My personal favorites at each park:
Magic Kingdom - Most people would probably go for the Tangled restrooms across from Peter Pan due to the theming but i'm gonna hit ya with PIRATES - NO, not the ride! The bathrooms! If you're saying, WHAT PIRATES BATHROOMS? The easy-to-miss bathrooms in the GIFT SHOP after the ride! There is almost NO ONE in these ones EVER because they're all going RIGHT after exiting and the bathrooms are to the LEFT. This one has proven time and time again to be an optimal

This brings up a funny story. We had just boarded Pirates and I had made the mistake of having a Tortuga burrito and it was unhappy. We were past the point where I could have evacuated the ride and so I had to sit there trying not to think about the next ten minutes while my wife tried to talk me through it. Ride ends (after additional time stacked behind other boats) and I went running. However, I did not know that the Pirates restrooms were there. So, I went to those by Peter Pan (before the queue change). I'm sure the look on my face and sweat pouring down probably had people wondering what was going on. I'm doing that casual fast walk that many of us employ when we absolutely need to hurry but also don't want to tip anyone off that we're fighting a major problem. After that, I started making a point of knowing where the restrooms were.

 

[SkiBum]

MK: A bit of a walk but the restrooms behind Tiana (by the railroad station) are nice. Pirates, as mentioned, and Tangled are also reliable.

Epcot: The Imagination restrooms might be the best although the ones in England are also nice. Those by the Coke zone are awful. They never smell that great and they are very busy.

DHS: Probably the restrooms in Galaxy's Edge. I found that the others are all underbuilt.

AK: All are nice but like the ones in the Maharajah Trek the most.

USO: Fallon was my go-to.

IOA: To be determined.

Epic: Haven't been here.

Volcano Bay: Haven't been here.

Honorable Mention: The restrooms in the Port Orleans Riverside main building. Those by the bar are actually and usually clean. Those on the other side of the food court nice.

 

[Touchdown]

This brings up a funny story. We had just boarded Pirates and I had made the mistake of having a Tortuga burrito and it was unhappy. We were past the point where I could have evacuated the ride and so I had to sit there trying not to think about the next ten minutes while my wife tried to talk me through it. Ride ends (after additional time stacked behind other boats) and I went running. However, I did not know that the Pirates restrooms were there. So, I went to those by Peter Pan (before the queue change). I'm sure the look on my face and sweat pouring down probably had people wondering what was going on. I'm doing that casual fast walk that many of us employ when we absolutely need to hurry but also don't want to tip anyone off that we're fighting a major problem. After that, I started making a point of knowing where the restrooms were.

That’s a long walk where you passed by several closer bathrooms (Pirates, splash, Adventureland) I’m so sorry.

 

[TheCodeMan95]

I want to also throw in - the bathrooms in Thunder Falls Terrace are nice as well.

@Touchdown what are the Namor bathrooms? lol

 

[LPCaptainDeath]

This brings up a funny story. We had just boarded Pirates and I had made the mistake of having a Tortuga burrito and it was unhappy. We were past the point where I could have evacuated the ride and so I had to sit there trying not to think about the next ten minutes while my wife tried to talk me through it. Ride ends (after additional time stacked behind other boats) and I went running. However, I did not know that the Pirates restrooms were there. So, I went to those by Peter Pan (before the queue change). I'm sure the look on my face and sweat pouring down probably had people wondering what was going on. I'm doing that casual fast walk that many of us employ when we absolutely need to hurry but also don't want to tip anyone off that we're fighting a major problem. After that, I started making a point of knowing where the restrooms were.

And salvation was a mere YO-HO away... Alas, you were shoved off the poopdeck.
Glad to hear you made it! As glad as i am to have someone named @SkiBum make a BATHROOM thread! lol

I've been in a long line for Guardians when a kid who couldn't hold it and wasn't telling their parents pooped on the floor. It was a little kid, so they get benefit of the doubt, but the parents GOTTA KNOW before getting in line for a popular attraction at ANY park that there are times you may be slowed, stalled, or stopped entirely for long periods of time. One thing i constantly told my friends when i took them to Disney for their FIRST TIME last year: "If you need to use the bathroom, say it, i'll point you to the closest one. It's better than holding it and regretting it." Lest we have Close Encounters of the Turd Kind.

 

[Touchdown]

I want to also throw in - the bathrooms in Thunder Falls Terrace are nice as well.

@Touchdown what are the Namor bathrooms? lol

The bathrooms at the toon lagoon end of Marvel Superhero Island. A giant Namor is swimming over the entrance to them.

 

[Parkscope Joe]

The bathrooms at the toon lagoon end of Marvel Superhero Island. A giant Namor is swimming over the entrance to them.

Those are good but the hidden ones to the right of the ampatheater are clutch.