I'm gonna
really try to not make this post any longer than it needs to be haha.
Also, before someone says something:
Asterisk ***We don't "know" 100% that this is the case, but it has been heavily rumored for years by a lot of reputable people.
- We know* that the land itself had some weird development hurdles, like the sudden transition away from Fantastic Beasts and back towards the traditional Potter franchise, leading to a land that acts like it takes place in Wizarding Paris, but in most proposed projects for the land just ends up transporting you somewhere more interesting like the British Ministry, or a Quidditch match or Great Hall dinner at Hogwarts.
- We also know* that Ministry was originally a USF ride, was originally trackless, and was moved over to Epic sometime in the late 2010s-early Pandemic.
- I feel like some of that weird transitionary design-work shows in the finished product. I just don't see Battle having a Magical Creatures scene if it was built in USF, and honestly, I think it would be better for it. Umbridge and the Ministry don't really have anything to do with Magical Creatures, they don't appear again, and the effects are mostly the same from other attractions. The Erumpent is basically the Hydro-Man sewer scene into a Kong head animatronic effect.
- On a different note, the ride system clearly had a ton of trouble in development. It was just straight up not working for an incredibly long-time, even through TM previews. I can't help but wonder if that's why the experience we got is little more than a Scoop with a slight more verticality. Maybe they wanted to pull off a bit more? With the Rocket Barrel launch effect over in DK being powered off, it shows that Universal isn't afraid to turn off effects or make some concessions to the planned ride experience to ensure smoother operations.
- I think a lot of my issue stems from the ride being designed like the preshow scenes from other Potter attractions. We're staring at flat projected figures of Potter actors talking at us for a long time. It works fine for a preshow that takes place in a study or Hagrid's hut or something, but during the ride and as we are hurtling in magical elevators, the weirdly flat blocking and scene structure makes it feel ... kinda dull for me. A lot of the ride is built like this.
- Compared to much less plot-focused rides like FJ and Hagrids, this ride has a lot less action, and I think it's worse for it. I don't believe the story that the ride prioritizes is all that interesting, and the ride experiences and agency that the rider has on the former two attractions is vastly superior. Fire-breathing dragons, stalking Dimentors, the Whomping Willow, Fluffy and the Weasley car, the deepest parts of the Forbidden Forest, and the tactile experience of riding in Hagrid's Motorbike; there's really nothing in Battle that actually tops any of that for me. It's a lot like the larger land; it's the crust of the pizza, or the B-sides that are kinda cool, but were left off of the initial few records for a reason. It doesn't portray any of the cool scenes from the Ministry in any interesting new ways, like the Dumbledore VS Voldemort battle, or the Dimentors reaching through the elevator grill.
- As I said before, I also just think that the ride plays its' cards too quickly. The Floo effect into the Ministry Atrium is incredibly well-done; but it's too cool. For me, it writes a check that the ride itself isn't cool enough to actually cash. The peak of the experience is at the very start, and you're just seeing less cool stuff for the next 80 minutes that you're there. I believe Rise does much better work with similar scenes.
But that's all just me. If anyone here is really into Battle, that's honestly great! I'm glad you found something here that resonated. I wish I could say the same, but I am also glad to not feel pressured into waiting in that 90 minute long queue again haha.
I'll be in the 110 minute long Mine Kart Madness queue instead!!!